Doing things you don't want to do because you said you would. Again
Just me chatting the usual bollocks about life in general, a little bit actually about my (art) work and a shameless charity fundraising appeal. So, if You're not up for any of that you can bow out now.
As I said previously I've now got a couple of dates in the calendar:
Scarlets - Lelant in August (PV and wine drinking socal dates TBA)
and New artist Fair - Brick Lane London - September.
I'm stoked for both. Hopefully New artist Fair will be good exposure and Scarlets was where it all began for me. Not long after surprising most people on my social media that I actually painted, I had a few people say I should apply for a slot at Scarlets who had a call for artists.I was very reluctant, but after the third person suggested it I put my big boy pants on and sent them a message.
I've never let fear hold me back in anything, not that I've done anything particularly impressive (The fact that today is D Day's 75th anniversary really adds perspective).
Funnily enough with all the silly shit I've done the only thing that ever really registers on the fear side of things isn't the risk of failure, or injury even, but the fear of looking silly.
This isn't me being all look at me I'm so honest and open and touchy feely either, I'm just callng a spade a spade.
Before my first show. I was more fearful than before any rugby match, or any fight I've ever had. And of what? Afraid that people would say my painting was shite? Haha. Who cares anyway! But, we all do care on a certain level. Granted I may care less than most what other's think of me, I think that's how i come across to put it mildly. But it would be dishonest to say that I don't care at all what people think, I just try not to let it govern my actions.
Where am I going with this then I hear you wonder. Running. I started running last summer, if you can call it running, doing ten minutes three times a week because I'm a vein bastard and I wanted to be all beach ready etc. Then in October I woke up early one morning and did five miles before work, it seemed like a marathon at the time but I got a lovely buzz of endorphins afterwards and I was hooked. I started watching documentaries about Ultra running and mentioned the Classic Quarter 2019 to a mate who's a good runner who told me it couldn't be done.
Obviously I promptly entered the CQ'19. It's kind of the story of my life that, think of something on a whim, mention it, get doubted, do it anyway/despite/ or most likely in spite of doubts and doubters. I didn't want to join the Navy but I said I would, with Every fight there were huge adrenaline dumps, doubts and sensible thoughts, and I was surprised to have a little performance anxiety (for want of a better term) with the run.
So far the running has been what i thought it would be to an extent, pushing out distances up to 29 miles, losing my false teeth in a cow field (that was a surprise) finding them (nice surprise!) having multiple stern self chats and even mantras, getting in my own head and on a few occasions using doubts and doubter's as fuel. On several occasions I've got myself so wound up and in such a mindset that I felt unstoppable.
But, it's all swings and roundabouts as I've also been pissed off for the last fortnight that I actually have to do the event, I'm a bit like that, I hate having to do anything. But I said I would, and every time you do something you don't want to it's a win on some level. "Discipline equals freedom". I share the Goggins stuff because it inspires me, and hopefully others and because when I've been sharing that stuff I become accountable to my self and feel hypocritical for being lazy, get angry, get my trainers on and bang it out.
You learn by your mistakes and I learnt more on my two losses (fighting)than I ever could have by winning (don't get me wrong, it feels much better to knock a guy out in the first minute). If I'd approached fighting in the proper manner I'd have fared better, but then maybe I'd be (even more of) a ballsy dickhead and life could be very different. Either way I'd be a different person and that's no good to me, as it's a fantastic time to be a Daniel Bassett.
Practising gratitude and being present (makes you sound like a right cock - granted) but has also been good for me, you can't just expect to be hard on yourself 24/7 and be happy. I think the conversations you have with yourself are the most important. Your own mental narrative is hugely important and perception colours reality in more ways than one.
Back to the art and the batch of work I'm producing at the minute is I feel my best yet (IMHO) and it's started making its way to the framers in readiness for the exhibition, it's not perfect but it's saying something and I'm looking forward to showing it.
As I mentioned, I'm running for my own reasons but thought it wasteful not to raise money for two great charities, and I knew that if I said I was doing it for charity, I couldn't back out of I wanted to. So, If You'd like to donate to these awesome charities and make me even more accountable here is the link.